The Kitchen Roll Conspiracy

It all started with a pre-Christmas party—one that shouldn’t have happened at my apartment, at least not logically. My place was inconveniently far from my friends (a solid 10 km), and Tori, in particular, had made it a personal mission to complain about this fact at every possible opportunity. “I will never come again,” Tori had claimed every single time when in my place, and this is not a expection. And yet, on this one night, they arrived.

I had prepared everything. The apartment was spotless, the food cooked—though one dish may have contained far too much clove (my buttermilk lump experiment didn’t quite go as planned). But the real mistake wasn’t in the cooking. It was in forgetting to hide the kitchen roll. The Mystery of the Tube

Among the festive decorations and party supplies lay an innocent-looking kitchen roll. Or rather, a kitchen roll with both ends cut out. I had a plan—one that would take months to fully unfold—but in the chaos of party prep, I’d left my prop in plain sight. My friends immediately noticed, and before I could come up with a clever deflection, Eryl called me out.

“You are so annoyingly mysterious.”

They didn’t sound amused. They sounded almost frustrated. Suspicious. I promised they’d learn the truth eventually, but I couldn’t specify when. Because, honestly? I didn’t know either.

The Makaroni Incident

Fast forward to New Year’s Eve. We gathered at Brandon and Stella’s place for the celebrations, and I arrived carrying a rather large bag. Inside: a package of 16 kitchen rolls. And inside one of those rolls? A single, sacred makaroni package.

The next day, our group chat lit up with confusion:

Brandon: “This would be a normal sight in our kitchen… but we didn’t buy kitchen rolls.”

Brandon: “Hypothesis: This had been delivered during the New Year’s party.”

Neo: “Work for detectives.”

Brandon: “Main suspect is Juiveli as they had a massive tube bag with them.”

Neo: “I will follow with most interest.”

Eryl: “What is the motive of smuggling it in?”

Neo: “Revenge?”

Brandon: “Makaroni?”

Neo: “So revenge?”

Brandon: “So revenge.”

Eryl: “I always ask for kitchen rolls as a Christmas present since I don’t want to spend money on them.”

Brandon: “Let’s say thank you to the mystery donator, even though it caused much confusion.”

Neo: “Bring me something useful too.”

Eryl: “You should watch what you wish for.”

Me: “This^”

Neo: “No, I won’t.”

The Long Con

Half a year later, the mystery finally unraveled in our group chat.

Brandon and Stella: “Do you remember when Juiveli brought us kitchen rolls?”

Attached was a picture—the makaroni, resting inside the roll.

They called it ‘the long con.’ And honestly, I was proud.

But then Brandon told me, “Stella is planning something.”

That was the moment I realized—I had started a war. A war built on kitchen rolls and cryptic absurdity. And while I don’t yet know who is on my side, I do know that Stella is plotting.

I can only hope I gather my forces before the inevitable counterattack.